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User blog:Bittersweettragedy/Let's Talk About Fantasy
So, I sat on my bed at five o clock in the morning. I could barely open my eyes and the wind was blowing like no tomorrow. Yet somehow even though I was about to wake up so early in the morning, I knew I was still tired. I yawned a little and told myself to go back to sleep. And that's when I decided to go into my fantasy world again. That's where I went when I couldn't sleep. I imagined a world that couldn't be described as anything less than home. I was always there, repeating the same moment over and over again, but I loved it just the same. It was my safe spot, where I could be in my own imaginary street by this imaginary cafe in this imaginary world. I knew all this, yet I still became fond of the little world. It was so calm and it always made me ease on to slumber. Yet when I woke up about an hour later I didn't feel the same. I felt the pain that I never experienced before. Because even in this real world part of the fantasy is there. The red semi-lace dress I always wore that I saw online down to the street that reminded me of the shopping center I loved so dearly. I guess you could say my fantasy exploded into tiny pieces all over the place and were scattered around the world to places I could never reach. It was like looking up at the stars billions of light years away and saying that I could catch them. But that wouldn't be possible. So my fantasy could never be accomplished by myself. You can't fix a broken glass with out glue. And that's what I wanted, somebody I could stick to, knowing that they would never leave me because I was shattered and needed to be fixed. I do know that there is somebody out there that can give me the feeling like I feel after that dream, I know somebody I can be myself around. But yes, I do yearn for one closer to me. I knew this world wasn't my life. I knew that all I imagined could never happen because all I felt was an empty hole. Because even with a sun-kissed pavement and the smell of rain from that imaginary land, I knew that what I imagined was never possible. Yet I knew this the first time I imagined it, but I still persisted on keeping about the imaginary land. I felt like I was embraced by the hands of a great friend, I felt like dancing in the rain because that imaginary land was one of little sunshine moments in my day. I was home. I was there. And I still wanted to stay in that dream I never finished because the abrupt stop always kept me on my toes. It was that incomplete moment where I felt whole. I sit here in the end of the day and notice how wonderful the sidewalk looks after rain. Because even in this reality some fantasy gets in the way. It was a magic that I always loved day after day, because every day was a treat that fantasy came in my way. It was a gift for sun-kissed skin and rainy days. Because even in this real world, fantasy does get in my way. ---------------- This fantasy most of us have is love. I know you may be shy to admit it but you know it's true. Because you know when you see that person that takes that love for granted and they would never look up to see how lucky they are. They stand there not knowing there might be someone out there chasing this fantasy. This idea that they could be more. And the only thing they think is that their fantasy is not real, that their fantasy could never blend into fantasy. They step in rain puddles and all they think is how it blends in with their tears. I know I feel like there could be nobody out there, but have you even noticed after the biggest storm there is a rainbow? This fantasy you want is real. I know you might feel so alone and trust me I feel you sometimes but let me tell you one thing, this fantasy is not fake. It is reality. You might be bitter because of chasing this one person and trust me I have. I have so many times. But I know that if you love you're a lucky one. I know you feel alone, crying into your tear soaked pillow but I love you just the same. I feel this takes how you feel about him/her. I know you love them just the same. And if your heart is broken, we'll hear your scars. We love you the same. You might feel so alone. But there is somebody out there that makes your fantasy a reality. Somebody who can love you for you. So help me, because I don't feel it today, but I want you to. Category:Blog posts